bad attitude on a sunday...

i woke up alright this morning... i kind of got a late start to church... i wasn't really looking forward to church... it's the second week in a row that i've taught the jr. and sr. high together - and i'm used to teaching just the sr. high... and i love it... i have all girls and it's easy to sit and talk... i don't have to worry about keeping their attention - because they're active and involved... there are less of them...

i wouldn't mind as much about teaching all of them if i felt like i had been asked in adequate time... but for the second week in a row, someone has called me on friday afternoon asking if i could do it... i know the things that put their regular teacher out of town were planned much more in advance than friday afternoon - and he's not even the one who asked me... it was left to someone else... i can't just do what i would do with the sr. high - we're going through a study of esther - and it wouldn't make sense to the larger group...

i was running late (church usually starts at 9:45 or later and it was 9:40) and i get a phone call from the pastor to make sure i was going to be there... i have never not been there - so i'm getting more aggrivated by the second... then throughout the class, the jr. high boys kept being disrespectful (big surprise), which i generally don't mind - but i don't really know all the jr. high kids - i used to teach them all together - but after we divided, the class grew, so i really don't have established relationships with them like their regular teacher does... so it's hard for me to know how much to say... it's different from camp or classes where i have established relationships... so it was frustrating...

at this point my bad attitude has only gotten worse...

after church, we had a fish fry and family forum (kind of like a business/ministry meeting) - and everything's getting talked about - i had been at the leadership team meetings prior to this, so i knew what was going on already... and i started looking around - and i realize that i don't really fit... i have friends at my church and i serve, but the overwhelming majority of the members are middle-aged marrieds with kids that are elementary-jr. high age... most of them wealthy - almost all of the kids in the jr. high class have a pool in their backyard... not that a pool automatically means wealth - but i knew one person in my youth group who had a pool, maybe two... it certainly wasn't the majority...

so my bad attitude just keeps getting worse...

i think i'm going to find a new church to just "be" in - to not be really involved... i don't really find myself refreshed or encouraged or even challenged on sunday mornings after everything - part of that is because i am not in the service, but even if i was, i don't think i would... i feel, in some ways, that our church has become more of a social club for the middle-aged marrieds... they're all friends - and when our church grows, it will be people identical to them... and if i was in that group, i'd probably love it...

i don't ever hear the messages, so i don't know how meaty they are... i think i got spoiled with a pastor i used to have who was a bible college professor... i learned so much, but was challenged in new and different ways - it was awesome... since then, it's hard to listen when the message just seems to barely scratch the surface... but in my case right now, i don't even get to hear those... so i think it would be wise for me to have a church that is separate - and then be involved in minstry at tri-mt... i hate that - because i think that it would be possible to do all of that in one place, but i haven't been able to find it in a southern baptist church in the northwest... i think my friends at church are going to do the same thing...

maybe it will help me to have a better attitude on sunday...